Day 046
Practice: Same Outcome, Different Environment
I carried my lunch tray with one hand, my other holding my backpack on my shoulder. My eyes scanned the crowd for a seat.
No one waved me over.
~~~
I opened the app.
I scanned its feed, looking beyond the posts for friends’ updates. A silly twenty question post.
No one tagged me.
Day 045
As I prepare for my Africa place-based inquiry, I’ve had a lot running through my head — logistics, research, confidence.
I’ve been deliberate about not leading with my academic background but I keep finding myself returning to Google Scholar.
Today, I read an article by Kuurne and Vieno that affirmed the research is there, so rather than resist it, I am going to follow it.
Day 042
Goodbye Africa for now…
After three weeks of solo traveling in West and North Africa, not once did I feel lonely.
I spent evenings eating dinner alone and savoring the quiet time. I rode piggyback hour after hour, mile after mile on a motorbike, not saying a word, just watching the scenery unfurl around me. In French-speaking Senegal, where English is almost absent, I fumbled through hand signals and Google Translate. And despite all of that, no loneliness.
And now I’m wondering how to go back to my life.
Day 040
She held her spot. Her fingers grasped the silver bar. Her oversized purse blocked other passengers from moving into the empty space behind her.
A second passenger passed, a third, a fourth passenger squeezed past her. Her gray gym shoes remained planted as her gloved hands twisted around the bar.
When she exited the train, her large bag once again pushed up against other standing passengers. Her eyes barely visible under the bowler hat perched on her head, she mumbled sorry.
Day 038
Until One Day She Doesn’t
I see this woman everywhere.
She remember her dreams and wants to take the leap, but she is afraid. There are responsibilities that she can’t walk away from, and she probably doesn’t know who she is outside of being a mother, wife, employee. Her family may make her feel guilty for choosing her. She recants and puts those dreams on the back burner.
Until one day she doesn’t.
Day 033
I’ve always wanted to join a protest.
About ten years ago, I was in DC for a conference. I didn’t go even though my hotel was steps from its rally point. Twenty years of rallies, protests, and marches in Chicago — not those either.
Last year, I moved to DC and I thought, I’m going to the first opportunity that comes up. The closest I got, I honked my horn at protestors and their signs.
Today is another opportunity. I have to go to the Post Office. My excuses were gone.
Or were they?
Day 032
Practice: Outward or Inward
I’ve always wondered about people who don’t ask questions.
Someone says the capital of New York is New York.
Another time: Did you fix it? Sure. Why was it wrong? I don’t know.
Is this trust or a lack of critical thinking?
~~~
I question everything.
My google search history: can you touch the net in basketball? What song has The Bowery in it? That salary calculation looks wrong. Did you confirm it is right?
Can I turn it off? Do I even want to?
Day 031
I can say yes to myself. Or can I?
I keep going on these podcasts and telling women to say yes to themselves. But I’m not even practicing what I preach.
The last few days I’ve been free falling. I’m trying to launch The Geography of Connection project but to do that, I need an audience — but I’ve lost a few subscribers this past week. Which I know shouldn’t matter. But it does. To do the project right, I need money. And right now that money is tied to a job I want to leave. But I can’t justify walking away because I’m not even sure what I’m thinking is interesting or even worse, that I’m just wrong. The cycle keeps going. So right now I’m so deep in it, I can’t make a single decision.